Again

Darkness surrounds now,
It crept into the corners,
The attic, basement.

Believed, was deceived
That it was under control,
But it overwhelmed

I embraced it when
It was all about. Then stood
Aghast; how could I?

Where Christ is, darkness
Cannot dwell. I avoided
Him for darkness' sake.

Again. How many
Times will I return to the
Embrace of darkness?

I can no longer
Forgive myself, and yet I
Know: again He will.

What manner of life
Is this? How can I watch it
Play out yet again?

Fire renewed, consumes
All, I surrender all; the
Former life thought dead

As I sing forth praise
Joy takes over the sadness;
Begin to grow lax

The fire fades, shadows
Dance, bits of old life return,
And I am entranced.

What can be done to
Ensure a better run? A
Life loved, He and I

All I know; what I
Do: rise again, find His path,
One step, another.

He is my refuge,
My strength; cry always for His
Mercy, love, and grace.

One step, watch after
His; another step, with Him;
And He, within me.

Purity Applied

One thing to define
Purity, to speak rightly
Of Jesus' filling

Another to live
Purely in temptation's grasp,
Evil recognized

For evil comes not
As darkness with horns and fangs;
But as light, and sweet.

Pure life is tempted
In the face of evil, but
It turns from that face

To Jesus' face, for
Purity knows: only He
Can defeat evil.

Pride wishes to stand,
Argue temptation away,
Believes that is strength.

Strength is knowing that
Mine is insufficient. Turn,
Rely on God's grace.

Purity

Purity is not
Strength, but a perseverance.
Perseverance through
Surrendering to Christ's strength,
His control; His purity.

It goes beyond change
In behavior, to invade,
Conform one to Christ.
Then evil is recognized
And resisted, not ignored.

--

The last verse is taken directly from Jaclyn's description of her blog.

I'd also like to point out the modesty survey at the Rebelution blog. They are currently taking questions from ladies to direct toward the guys later this month, centered around what is thought to be modest and what can cause us to stumble.

Toward Christ

I focus on the
Effects, bettering my life
Blessings I receive

These are not the point
Rather, God's sacrifice to
Become man, then die

The sorrow, the pain
Borne for our many sins. That
Is the true message.

I should not point to
My life, but my life should point
To the cross, to Christ.

Through Him are blessings,
But in Him lies salvation
Focus all on Christ.

--

Inspired by Sunday's My Utmost For His Highest.

Baptized

In that cold moment
Action added to word to
Create memory

In the dark, my will
Died, my old desires submerged
My first life was spent.

In His name, I died
In His name, I rose anew
For His will alone.

In this public act
Declare loss, proclaim turning
To life lived for Him.

Marvel at His grace;
Celebrate God's mercy; know
His goodness. Praise God!

----

I was baptized this past Sunday.

Glory

Found in a sunset,
An army too small, teachers
Who can't speak. Glory.

Salvation for all found in
Your Son; Glory manifest.

Before Your glory
My pride hides; in Glory's face
My life is transformed

Let my gaze always be on
Jesus; faith, hope, trust in Him.

All hope of healing,
Found as glory overwhelms
Me; and transforms me.

Free for You

I was blind, burdened unaware;
   Chained, my sin was to me.
You saw, cared; chains loosed, taken to
   Hang with You on that tree.

I leapt free rejoicing; until
   I saw that burden's cost.
Agony, pain; Your life drained free,
   To save me, one so lost.

Free; yet I find in me longing
   For that familiar weight.
Consume all of me, so over
   My will, Yours will hold sway.

Return, I hope

Apologies are
Due, for lack of posts; to you,
Dear reader, and me.

To you: for silence.
To me: for regular thoughts
On growth ... require growth.

Excuses abound
But none suffice. Merely say,
I've returned, I hope.

Welcome Creation

Beauty to behold
In all creation, but all
As nothing compared
To this one so small, blessing
Of creation, life anew.

-----------------------------

Ahhh, just got back from seeing my first niece, Keziah (Kih-zee-ə), who my sister gave birth to ~15 hours ago. If I can get a hold of a picture and permission to post it, I will; for now you'll just have to trust me, she's beautiful :).

Update per Jaclyn's plead (or threat?):
Keziah, less than a few hours old.

Thoughts by Verse: Grace and Peace

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, To the saints and faithful brothers in Christ at Colossae:
Grace to you and peace from God our Father. (Colossians 1:1-2, ESV)

I walk my life's path
Set by You; As I advance,
You grow before me.

With advance, I see
more clearly how much I lack,
How little I bring

You've chosen me for
life eternal; yet, all I
find to give is filth

The price is so high,
Oh, that I could contribute,
But, You have paid all.

As I grow in You,
I see that I am mere man
I have nought to give [1]

At the trailhead, I
Knew I needed Grace. But, to
Know how much I need.

I grow in Your Grace
As I grow in knowledge of
You. Make less of me. [2]

A life of pain and
Regret is not Your path. No;
"Grace to you, and Peace".

With Your Grace comes peace
Peace this world cannot offer.
With You in control

To know that I am
Loved by God, saved from just death,
My life has meaning.

Know God: He loves you
Know Grace: Life bought through Jesus
Know Peace: Life with God.


Grace to you, and Peace from God our Father.


----
References:
[1] Isaiah 6:5
[2] 2 Peter 3:18
[3] Vastness of God's Grace

Prayer for Contentment

It was much to give,
All of me; with the promise:
Complete submission,
Gratitude wherever You
Placed me, with sworn diligence.

I'm learning to trust,
Faith that You know, understand
My limits, better
Than even I. I'm sorry
For faltering and doubting.

In search of meaning;
Failure to forge my own path
While ignoring Yours,
Direction lost; forgetting
Promises from me; and You.

Renew my heart, mind
To have eyes for You alone,
Not searching for what
Tomorrow may bring; instead,
Seeking what I can do now.

You have placed me here,
Set responsibility
Before me. Much to live for
To be done for Your glory.
Invest in what's been given.

Lord, help me to be
Content, to focus on now,
Not seeking more things
Only more of You. Grateful
For undeserved worth in You.

Continue to mold,
Temper me. I desire to
Grow closer to You.

Book Meme

So apparently I was tagged by Galant.
Let's see, it feels like cheating to answer the Bible to most of these (1, 3, 4, 5, 8), but I reserve the right to use it if I can't think of anything :P.

---

1. One book that changed your life.
The Sacred Romance, Brent Curtis and John Eldredge

2. One book you've read more than once.
Enchantment, Orson Scott Card

3. One book you'd want on a desert island.
I had a lot of choices for the previous question, books I've literally read 100's of times, but I'm not sure I could pick one (besides that answer in reserve) that would truly keep me for all time (or at least the piece of time that would include me implied by the question). So there's always the "useful" answer (ie SAS survival handbook) or the "humorous" answer (War and Peace - lots of pages to help start those fires).
So Bible first, if I can add another to take along: My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers. If I had to choose something of fiction, The Otherland series by Tad Williams; great storyline, epic reading, and a good deal of wilderness survival tips mixed in ;).

4. One book that made you laugh.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

5. One book that made you cry.
Wild at Heart, John Eldredge

6. One book you wish had been written.
The autobiography of Job.

7. One book you wish had never been written.
Wizard's First Rule, Terry Goodkind.

8. One book you're currently reading.
Knowing God, J. I. Packer

9. One book you've been meaning to read.
The Gospel According to Grace, Chuck Smith

10. Now tag 5 people.
Hmm, Galant tagged Jaclyn and me, that would be the two people I'm positive watch this space and blog... I suppose there are a few lurkers out there.

Well I'll tag: Gem, Michelle, and Gina. Then 2 tags go into the ether for lurkers or wanderers to grab (you can even comment anonymously if you want to maintain the mystery ;)).

Sacrifice

Lord, renew Your flame,
Consume me, to burn only
In worship of You.

I plead for help, for
Faith to entrust challenges
To You, I want to
Put away self; become a
Living sacrifice to You.

Reflections of You

How easy it is to sing praises of You
To recognize You in creation;
Your beauty in a sunset,
Your Majesty in the heavens.
While nature cannot help but reflect You,
I have a choice:
Will I look to You with the rising sun,
Will the world see Your love in me today,
Will I treat others with mercy and patience?
Or will I turn to the cares of the world for direction,
Will my life, my desires, match the world's,
Or will the world see You in me
As I see You in creation?
Lord, help me choose You each day
To join in ceaseless worship of You!

Serving You

Reading doesn't save me
Writing doesn't save me
Sharing doesn't save me
God saves me despite me

I desire to give
My life, yet parts of me grasp
Tightly to this world.
Help me to loosen that grip
To turn fully to You, Lord.

Lord help me desire to read of You
Lord help me write of Your works
Lord help me share Your Good News
Lord help me honor You with my life.

Buying High

Lord, You saved me when
I was at my worst; I will
Praise You forever.

Search me, O God; show
What I have hidden. Let no
Vile thing dwell in me.

Let me not forget,
Reduce the meaning of: the
Price You paid for me.

Days of the Year

"Jesus, my life is
Yours." How often has that been
Really lived this year?

Reference: CYS comic strip :D

Adonai

Is the Lord, your God,
Sovereign in your life? Or
Lord in word alone?


reference: R. C. Sproul teaching on "Adonai"

Infinite Gift

God is infinite.
Without Him is to come short,
With Him; completion.

======================

Listening to John Piper teach on his favorite subject, I needed to make note of what he was saying and did so with the first line here. Then, as I started to mark down the explanation I found this haiku. So this is merely a personal note on the need to expound on that first line: God is infinite.

Grace Abundant

My mom found the following among my sister's English papers for this year. I share it with you with her permission that more than just family and her teacher could enjoy it.

=====================================

Grace Abundant

You never promised that I would not fall,
You only promised not to leave my side.
Undone am I, I have ignored your call.
I drive the nails deeper; my face I hide.

No longer wish I that your love and grace
Would fall upon me. I deserve it not
For you to even gaze upon my face;
But you need not my works; my heart you bought

I punish myself, I long for the pain
that I have caused to fall upon me now -
But you refuse to let me take the blame.
You catch me in your arms and with grace endow.

My father, help me remember I'm yours.
I'm bought with blood and your eternal scars.

Before You Go

Before you leave here
Have you prepared yourself for
The Spirit's power?

Open to His lead
Or will the worries of this
World pull and drive you?

Meet the world knowing
You have been saved, that God is
Working in your life.

Trust Him to proclaim
His glory through you with His
Wisom and power.

I can not live on
Yesterday's food. I must seek
Daily nourishment.

Scary Prayers 2

You love the servant,
Lord, teach me to be humble
I want to serve You.

Humility that
I might put away my shame,
Obey Your leading.

Humility that
I might ignore all my pride,
Submit to others.

All I have of You,
Whence comes pride? All I do to
Bring glory to You.

Scary Prayers 1

Destiny

Of what did you dream
Before you knew your limits?
The world was open.

What did you aspire
When you met your gifts? 'Fore dreams
Stolen by safety.

All of Me

I awoke.
Squinting as the world comes to focus,
Tools line the walls; the forge lights the room.
How I came to be here matters not
For I know why, why I sought this room;
I seek the means to craft a weapon
To defend myself, perhaps others.
The materials were gifts from birth,
But purpose - my use for them - unknown.
I craft a sword; crude, the weight awkward
As I hold it up. With time and use
It will meet my needs: fend off mockers.

I awoke.
Visits here are without count, purpose
Of each lost to time. Instead, recall
Significant events which brought me:
The first time I struck a friend as the
Weight overcame my strength, when I cut
Myself reaching too quickly to fight,
When I met multiple threats at once...
With time and pain it lightened, grew in
Sharpness, but still durable; I changed
With it, adept at fighting off all,
Friend and foe alike; I protect me.

I awoke!
The King of this world, creator of
This realm met with me! My life had been
Without purpose, direction, only
Seeking my glory, my power, my
Pleasure. With these things I grew further
From others. I doubted the truth of
Friendships, grew lonely, depressed. The life
Of wandering no longer suited
Me, but I knew no other. This King
Offers direction as Lord of me.
I promise to help: to fight for Him.

I'm weary.
I have purpose, friendships grow in our
Common knowledge of Him. Still bear my
Sword, still live a guarded life; now a
Dual life - with troubles, I ask my
Lord for help, then fight them off alone.
Has my life changed? I have general
Direction, but I live my life as
Before; I live by this sword, forged from
Gifts from my Creator, now my King.
I must return to His court, Renew
My vow to follow His will; His way.

I'm hopeful.
"Lord, my King, this is my sword, something
Of my making from your gifts to me.
I believed it served me well before
I called you Lord, but it was leading
down a path to death, Death without trust,
Death alone. You saved me from that path,
On your path this sword can not help me.
I offer it to you: all of me.
Never again will I rely on
My strength. Teach me to trust in you, your
Strength; to rely on your strength alone."

I'm alive!

-----

I thank you Lord for
This new life. Free of burden,
I offer my love.
All my life is yours to take
And fill with righteous desires.

====================================

This post has been a long time in coming; apologies for that. Critiques of the very different format are welcome and, as always, comments on the content are also welcome.

When the Tears Fall

Usually when I hear a song or verse that speaks to me I pick out what did and then write about it. That's what lead to His Name... which has a fairly clear connection to Isaiah 9:6. Something my pastor said became the last verse of Rightful Place, everything else grew from that verse.
Last night, the last song we sang was one I had not heard before. It stood out to me in its entirety, fitting well with what I've been feeling of late. I don't have anything to add, so would rather just share the song with you. It is by Tim Hughes and I believe comes from his album When Silence Falls.
------------------------------------------------

When the Tears Fall

I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I call You Healer
When silence falls,
You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me, You sustain me
My defender for ever more

When hope is lost, I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I call You Healer
When silence falls,
You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You
I will Praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to You
I will praise You
Jesus praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to You

When hope is lost, I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I call You Healer
When silence falls,
You'll be the song within my heart

I will praise You
I will praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to you
I will praise You
Jesus I will praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to you

When the laughter fails to comfort
When my heart aches, Lord You'll be there
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend
Still I'll praise You
Jesus praise You

Cares and Trust

Stable life, controlled
Life. Unstable? Learn to trust;
Control not of me.

These things are God's things
Mine to care for while on loan;
Worry, His burden.

Bad Days

Leaky world darkens
My sunny days. Let me learn,
With praise, not complaint.
Lord, teach me to trust in You.
To know You will work this out.

Why do we call You ...?

Lord, the Sovereign one.
My life is no longer mine,
You are my ruler.

God, The Creator.
Perfect, All-knowing, Righteous;
You deserve all praise.

Jesus, my best friend.
You are with me forever,
Sharing joy and pains.

--

Wish to call You Lord.
Renew in me a clean heart,
So I will seek you.
Fill me with righteous desire,
I want my life to bless You.

Your glory abounds,
The universe proclaims You.
All nature worships
With beauty You created.
How can I not offer praise!

Praise 2

You're at work in me,
I see new changes daily!
Rejoice in Your works.

Praise 1

I'm working on a larger post, but felt the need to write something today. Found this:
---------------------------------

You're my protection.
I feel Your strength around me,
Take comfort in You.

My Savior

Under my own strength,
I am helpless to resist
In temptation's face.

The world responds with,
"Be an individual,
You can overcome."

I'm insufficient
To meet This Perfect Standard.
I can't withstand all.

Sin, always my choice.
God offers His perfect strength,
- But for me to choose.

This journey of life
Teaches me to trust in God,
Not to trust my strength.

To learn these lessons:
Teach me to turn to You first,
Not rely on self.

Let me not forget,
That while my will (strength) might grow.
I can rest on You.

Rightful Place

Land of wealth, treasure,
Have distractions all about
Which to choose tonight?

All focus, free time
On this world's pleasures, delights.
Leave no time for Him.

Others have a place
Entertainment, fellowship
Has its importance.

But, God must be first.
His place; above all others
Set none before Him!


I choose to follow
Focusing on forever,
Day I see His face.

Answers

Working on something else, but my worship leader said something tonight that, while I've heard it before, stood out this time:
------------------------------------

We pray with questions.
He answers with "Yes" or "No"
Always good reason.

Either way, heed God.
We do not know what we ask.
He answers in love.

But in other times
His answer feels so unclear,
For it's only, "Wait."

Your time is not now,
May not be as you expect,
But your time will come.