Muse In Verse

Thoughts from the Psalms, 16

2008-12-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

What wonders from You have I tasted
Blessings without measure or compare
Use me so my life is not wasted
So with others Your blessings I share

I am forever tempted to stray
Fleshly pleasures seek to end my life
Preserve me as I look to that Day
Where there is no more sorrow or strife

Secured in Your shielding of my fate
Teach me to find my life's work for You
To replace the temptations so great
And live well as one of Your few

Thoughts from the Psalms, 13

2008-12-03T00:19:00.001-07:00

How long O Lord must I seek?
All is dark, all is bleak
How long O Lord will You tarry?
Doubts grow heavy that I carry
Come O Lord, show my ignorance
Dash my doubts, bring Your presence
Come O Lord, I will bless Your name
Proclaim Your works, increase Your fame

Thoughts from the Psalms, 12

2008-11-26T10:03:00.001-07:00

This fallen culture
Threatens to overwhelm, God
Will preserve His own

Thoughts from the Psalms, 11

2008-11-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

My soul is troubled, tempted by offers
To escape. Many routes lay open, paths
For the coward. My foundation threatened,
Seemingly shaky, "avoid this battle
Pretend all is well," each temptation screams
But this must be fought, must be confronted
To renew and prove my trust, for the Lord's
Throne has not been left vacant, my God is
The righteous and just ruler. Walk in Him
Knowing He will lay waste to the wicked
But smile on the righteous, the pure in heart
Will see His face and return joyous praise!

Thoughts from the Psalms, 10

2008-11-12T00:11:00.003-07:00

Since pursuing You, life is turbulent
With each trial, my way, sent
Here another, You step back
To reveal all the ways that I lack
I know that this is Your time to shine
But forgetful, I treat this part as mine
Teach me to look to Your strength first
And consider mine as worst
To always walk near You, this I yearn
So to trust in You, I must learn
Not knowledge abstractly taught
But practiced, through toil bought

Thoughts from the Psalms, 8

2008-11-04T23:40:00.004-07:00

There was nothing, all was void
Then there was at Your breath
Creation birthed by Your command
Hints of glory all about

From the dust was culled man
Made uniquely to know You
Given reign o'er all so good
Wonder sparked for such love

Thoughts from the Psalms, 6

2008-10-29T00:09:00.003-07:00

Darkness seeks a hold
Obscures Your name from mind
In every which way I'm pulled
Struggle to keep on Your path's line

Each offered path will beckon
But I've traveled there before
Know how later each will darken
Yet leave me still wanting more

So I pray, while still sane
Shine Your glory, light my way
Fill my mouth with Your refrain
And hedge my path, so I'll not stray

Thoughts from the Psalms, 4

2008-10-22T01:47:00.002-07:00

Father, instruct me
In Your ways, remind me of
Your deeds, encourage
To continue on in You
Steadfast, rooted in Your Word

Thoughts from the Psalms, 3

2008-10-15T00:24:00.003-07:00

Enemies swarm around

God is hope in this test

Instill fear, quaking ground

God calms weary to rest

Weapons drawn, evil grins

God is shield, none can best

Perfect strength, so He wins

God be praised, we are blessed!

Thoughts from the Psalms, 2

2008-10-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

Remember the end
Fear He who will rule, honor
The Sovereign One

Thoughts from the Psalms, 1

2008-10-01T00:01:00.001-07:00

Before I met God, life was a lazy
Stream carrying me on varied paths:
Straight and twisted, slow and racing
Never resisting, accepting life's happenings
Now He is my guide, revealing the true
Nature of this river. Some currents
Need be resisted; others, used
With care, follow His lead, His way is sure and pure.

Six Things

2008-01-26T17:55:00.000-07:00

So apparently I've been tagged for another meme by Michelle.

The rules for this meme are:
(1) Link to the person that tagged you. (2) Post the rules in your blog. (3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. (4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. (5) Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1. There is a letter which makes a relatively common sound that I cannot pronounce well. Mockery when I was younger taught me to avoid the sound which has resulted in some unusual sentence structures in my speech that I don't even really think about now. I've since learned what the problem is specifically -- I don't curl the tip of my tongue to make the proper sound and instead end up with the sound of the letter "i". The most obnoxious part of this problem is that the letter and corresponding sound can be found in my last name, so generally when I introduce myself I will only give my first name.

2. Often while walking about, I entertain myself in the age-old game of trying to avoid stepping on cracks. I try to plan ahead and measure my pace to match up to the cracks ahead so that it does not look too unnatural. Unusual rules regarding doorways and tile have crept in to make usually nondescript areas more interesting to walk in. As such, I identified closely with this comic.

3. I have trouble making myself content with not knowing things which are fairly easy to learn. So whenever a topic comes up in conversation where there is a general lack of knowledge of how something works or where something originated, etc, I make a mental note about it. There is a decent chance that if you are involved in such a conversation with me, the next time you see me it will not be unknown for me. Most of the time I won't share that, though, unless it comes up again naturally. (For example, recently two people in a group setting were using quotes from a movie they had seen, but they were unwilling to admit their source. I probably would not have been willing to admit the source either ;) ).

4. Somewhat related to the previous, Chain Emails are a significant time waster for me. Not in the usual sense, I refuse to send them on, so I get them with less regularity, but I feel compelled to research their contents and often Snopes is not sufficient for me. Now my mom and sister send 2-3 of these to me a week asking if they are true.

5. I always have a pen with me. I carry it in my pocket and thus have lost a few over the years, so I've settled on a fairly cheap, but (in my opinion) good quality pen. So far not so interesting, but I've noticed that I gain a fair amount of anxiety and, well, neurosis whenever I lend it out. I can't let it out of my sight for anywhere near a minute. I get more anxious the further it gets from me and calm only returns when it is safely back in my pocket. The times I've accidentally left it somewhere have launched full-scale searches the likes of which might suggest I had lost an heirloom rather than a $2 pen. There are a few other quirks about my pens: there is always a backup at home in case my current, even if it is new, begins to falter in performance, I put the cap on as it is pictured (pen name aligned with clip) in the above link whenever I write, and I'm reluctant to throw away these pens until they are definitively out of ink, so my house is littered with pens of questionable dependability (low on ink).

6. I generally err on the side of caution, balking at change, and stick to the habits of what works. I think the only area this is not true in the least is food. I suspect it has something to do with being allergic to a great many foods and so there is a willingness to explore the more unusual types of food that do not overlap with those allergies. Whenever I spot something unusual on a menu, it is hard to resist trying it out; I generally don't bother trying to resist. I think the most unusual thing I've ordered is boiled chicken feet.

Those last two rules for this meme are not going to be kept. Especially because I currently read only three personal blogs that are still active and one of them tagged me for this. Galant is out there writing, but not posting; perhaps tagging him would wake him. I'm less sure I want to distract Gem with yet another meme, as fun as her quirks are. But if she sees this, she is welcome to either consider herself tagged or to have eluded my reach per her imagination of the game. A similar invitation can go to Jaclyn.

What Price Was Payed?

2007-12-31T14:11:00.000-07:00

I can see them falling
My vision clouds pink
The drops much deeper.
Yet again the cost
Of my life increases
What price was payed?

That drug lifts me up
To great heights, to plunge
Me to greater depths
Plumbing forgotten caverns
In search of dark treasure
What price was payed?

From within, groaning and tears
Light seems far from me
Turn back to find His
Pierced hand reaching, lean
Into His sweet embrace
What price was payed?

As a child hand in
Hand, "Lead on my Lord,"
The path clear: into the light
Always in view, stands
Dripping wooden silhouette
What price was payed?

Offering Value

2007-08-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

This is a good day to reflect on where I am. Similar to the effect of birthdays and New Years, this day marks two years following the day I finally surrendered to Christ.

When I started this site I was regularly writing of things I believed God was teaching me. I didn't have an outlet or community to share with and so used this hoping that something might be found useful to another. Over time I drifted from there to being focused on the need to produce new things to post here. I tried different things for inspiration and gave myself artificial due dates. There were some lapses marking sin or depression or simple writer's block. In the last few months I've found myself looking back at previous posts to find truths I wish I had known and applied in the previous week. I was posting things which I promptly forgot and never applied. Clearly I wasn't learning what I claimed to be learning. If what I was writing did not teach me, how could I teach another? I know there was truth in my writing, but I believe I lost insight in much of it.

So with this past month's break to think about where I've been and where I am, I've come to conclusion that it is better to allow posts to come at their natural pace. Not bound by a predefined schedule, but released after effort, time, and consideration. To only post here what is of worth. It will be up to me maintain the discipline of continuous writing that practice requires, but that will become a background activity. I expect in practice this will mean posts will be even more rare.

As far as I can tell there are now only two or three regular readers out there. So to you, I offer apologies again for any perceived loss. If that number ever changes for greater or less I will no longer know, as I have now disabled my counter software so that I will no longer fret or be anxious about who might be lurking out there or who may be finding their way here.

Tringard "Josh Martin"

Time for a break

2007-07-04T00:15:00.000-07:00

I have taken a lot of breaks unintentionally in the past from posting here. But this month I have decided to take an "official" break while I ponder the intent of this site. It has certainly strayed from what I described at the start and thus I feel as though I need to rebuild a vision of what this site means to me.

I will return August 1st with the results of this month and what I intend, whether this site should continue or not.

Still More Grace

2007-06-13T14:04:00.000-07:00

Thank you Lord for letting me see
Baring my heart's deceit
I weep for the sin which abounds
More than I knew hides here
It conceals itself in noble
Pursuits; desires, righteous,
It hides in matters, gray; what more
Lurks still, hidden in me?
Teach me to love, desire Your Grace
I see how much I need
Just for what You have revealed here
Set my focus on You
Turning my eyes and heart to see
Only You, Your holiness;
I want to desire Your goodness
Daily filled wanting You
To grow in Your grace, not for sin
To grow still more; but Grace
To walk in Your ways, righteousness,
Grace to live, pleasing You.

----------------------------------------------------

Learning from Piper's second message at New Attitude 2007 - Discerning What Pleases God: Personal Obedience (available to listen to and download here)

Prayer for Healing

2007-06-06T10:08:00.000-07:00

On Monday and Tuesday, Focus on the Family aired the majority of a message given by John MacArthur on the National Day of Prayer last month in which he used Romans 1 to say, "I'm convinced, beyond doubt, that in the same sense, God has abandoned America" (that sense being as God giving Israel over to their idols as is in, for example, Judges 10:6-7).

----

One day, all will bow down
Seeing Your holiness; worship
Will be the World's response.
This nation I call home has strayed
Far, embracing the world
In pursuit of sin, seeks pleasure
Forgetting You, their God;
Please restore us, work in the hearts
Of this nation to turn
See Your holiness, You are good
Through Your work alone can
We see, turn, and walk in Your ways
I long for Your return
But I desire that this, my home,
Would be looking for You
That day, All seeking to worship.

New Attitude 2007

2007-05-31T20:43:00.000-07:00

So I was at the New Attitude conference this past weekend. A tremendous experience that I hope to write about more. For now, as a first step in collecting my thoughts, I transcribed the notes I took during the trip. Since I took those notes with the intention of sharing them with those I know, I thought I might share them here as well. You can access them at:
http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dcjn2vrv_33f5m63t

I actually arrived late Thursday and used the day and a half before the conference to explore the downtown area some. That is also recorded briefly in my notes.

There are others that took notes live (or at least posted more immediately) including Challies.com, the Rebelution, and Boundless Line. They surely took more comprehensive notes than I. Finally, all of the talks have been made available for download for free, here.

The theme this year was on Discernment and the sessions included:

Josh Harris - Teaching an introduction to the topic
Mark Dever - Discerning Our Doctrine, on handling conflict in the church and how to recognize when to divide and when to agree to disagree (and disagree well)
Al Mohler - Discerning Your Culture, how to live in the world, but not of it
CJ Mahaney - Discerning Our Hearts, on recognizing idols our hearts create (hint don't trust yourself)
Eric Simmons - Practical Discernment, how to approach those "gray" areas in life
John Piper - Discerning What Pleases God: Himself, classic Piper message
John Piper - Discerning What Pleases God: Personal Obedience, Proper and improper ways to approach obedience to God
CJ Mahaney - Take It Back, Conclusion and things to consider for how to take back so much and begin to apply it

My starting place for application is with Piper's second message. There are things in that which I believe address some of the issues I've been struggling with lately.

If you do (or don't) read my notes and have questions and comments, feel free to leave them here and I'll respond as able.

Fear the Lord

2007-04-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

Lord, I long to be full in You,
Not seeking fulfillment in any other thing
That I will not want
But learn fear; doing good
Fleeing evil, seeking You always
Broken before You

In the many trials to come
Seized by conflicts of mind or world
You alone, not I, can save
Give to me a heart of worship
Continual worship to You, my King
You are great, alone are worthy.

------------------------------------------

Reference: Psalms 34, particularly verses 8-10

This Day

2007-04-10T17:35:00.000-07:00

I long to be clothed
In Your Holiness, shining
Your qualities out

Developing an inward
Change to show You to the world

This day, let me be
Disciplined before You, not
Serving my pleasures

Rather, living a life in
Your control, to Your glory.

This day, let me show
Compassion to those I meet
Forgetting anger

Frustrations over others'
Faults only obscures my own

This day, let me be
True to my word, diligent
In my works and plans

As You are faithful to mold
Me into Your perfect work

This day, let me not
Sin, striving for Your model
Of the perfect life

Shaping my character to
Yours and pointing to Your strength

This day, let me show
Your grace, caring for those who
Do me the most harm

Loving those least deserving;
You loved me: least deserving.

This day, let me let
Slide peeves and annoyances,
With blessing, honor

For You forgive me when I
Fall short of what pleases You.

This day, let me be
At peace in trial, drawing
Others to Your gifts

For it is then that my life
Declares You as its ruler

This day, let me sing
Your praises, dance without care,
And rejoice in You

For You bless my life more than
I could ever hope to share

This day, let me love
Without ceasing, loving You
And all those I meet

Discouraged, mourning, joyful
All need still more of Your love.

-----------------------------------

Based on the list found in Galatians 5:22, 23

This Day (Part 10)

2007-04-07T01:29:00.000-07:00

This day, let me love
Without ceasing, loving You
And all those I meet

Discouraged, mourning, joyful
All need still more of Your love.

This Day (Part 9)

2007-04-05T23:09:00.000-07:00

This day, let me sing
Your praises, dance without care,
And rejoice in You

For You bless my life more than
I could ever hope to share

This Day (Part 8)

2007-04-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

This day, let me be
At peace in trial, drawing
Others to Your gifts

For it is then that my life
Declares You as its ruler

This Day (Part 7)

2007-04-03T18:19:00.000-07:00

This day, let me let
Slide peeves and annoyances,
With blessing, honor

For You forgive me when I
Fall short of what pleases You.

This Day (Part 6)

2007-04-02T17:21:00.000-07:00

This day, let me show
Your grace, caring for those who
Do me the most harm

Loving those least deserving;
You loved me: least deserving.

This Day (Part 5)

2007-04-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

This day, let me not
Sin, striving for Your model
Of the perfect life

Shaping my character to
Yours and pointing to Your strength

This Day (Part 4)

2007-03-31T21:32:00.000-07:00

This day, let me be
True to my word, diligent
In my works and plans

As You are faithful to mold
Me into Your perfect work

This Day (Part 3)

2007-03-30T17:43:00.000-07:00

This day, let me show
Compassion to those I meet
Forgetting anger

Frustrations over others'
Faults only obscures my own

This Day (Part 2)

2007-03-29T21:24:00.000-07:00

This day, let me be
Disciplined before You, not
Serving my pleasures

Rather, living a life in
Your control, to Your glory.

This Day (Part 1)

2007-03-28T22:44:00.000-07:00

I long to be clothed
In Your Holiness, shining
Your qualities out

Developing an inward
Change to show You to the world

----------------------------------------
This is currently part 1 of 10, I don't intend to add more parts, but it could happen. I think it will read better to separate them out, so I'll be posting one a day till it is complete.

Scary Prayers 3

2007-03-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

Lord, bring into my
Life one: lost and seeking; You
Have filled me, I wish
To share, of Your love and joy
And grace, to introduce You.

I've not the words or
The courage, so I must ask
For Your lead and strength
It is Your work entire, I
Only long to play a part

In This Place

2007-03-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

I entered in, burdened with hopes
And cares and fears; kneeled, I
Entered to be shut in with Him.
In this place my burdens
Are lifted as His glory fills
The room, warming me from
Without with His light, igniting
My heart and mind within
"Holy, Holy, Holy to the
Lord of Grace and Glory"

Here my hopes inspire; outside clouds
Of worry weigh heavy
For here my Hope lives, my Savior
Is not hidden, obscured
Here, hopes are not mere wishes, but
Tangible, to be sought
They come through Him, come with promise
Desires placed within me
"Holy, Holy, Holy to the
Father of my Savior"

As life moves, so my cares increase
I fret, worry, despite
Knowing He will care for me. Will
All be well? Can I be
Content? Deserving punishment
For my doubts; His Spirit
Draws me close, bringing peace, comfort,
Making God known to me
"Holy, Holy, Holy to the
Sender of my comfort"

I long to be here always, my
Mind on Him, and my heart
Near; that in His strength I would not
Cower, but temptation
Would flee and sin's condemnation
Would hold no sway. Rather,
That my life would be a vessel
To proclaim God's glory.
"Holy, Holy, Holy to the
One working within me."

His Path

2007-02-21T18:24:00.000-07:00

I oh so long to rhyme
To write of prayer and friend
To sing God's glory
And praise His majesty.
Thanking for His blessings
And calling for His lead
That we may know
Which way to turn
To live for Him only.
Knowing through all:
Trouble and trial,
That He is near
Working out His plan
In concealed mystery
That all will be a'right;
He gave me a part to play
Thank Him always
Walking in His peace;
For the path before was laid,
For each, tailor made.

Praise 3

2007-02-15T12:26:00.000-07:00

You loved when I was
A worthless slave; drew, saved me.
Insufficient are
Words to express my love which
I long to sing back to You

--------------------------------------------

Certainly worth mentioning, the results of the Modesty Survey put on by the people at The Rebelution have been released.

Noise

2007-02-09T08:52:00.000-07:00

The world's noise is great;
Finding peace while basking in
Glory of the Lord

Drive, Slow

2007-02-03T01:04:00.001-07:00

An odd twist of personality, at
Times filled with sense of purpose - the need to
Create, whether in inspiration of
Pen or frivolous greatness in moments
Of fun. Along with this desire, my strength
Is sapped, the energy greatness requires
Deserts me as the drive comes. So I stand
Drained, but desiring action. All slows
As I desperately seek hidden strength,
Feeling the world - sound and silence, rush and
Stillness - stream over, threatening release
Of gravity's effects. If I close my
eyes and step, will I greet ground? Instinct says
I will melt into void; so planted, let
Action play out in darkness. Time stretches
And slows as my grasp on this space struggles
For purchase. Perceptions altered, concerns
For threads bound to community fade; for
Loneliness hungers always for my soul.

While energy is gone, emotion is
Amplified. Reasons are lost, never to
Be discovered. As time washes over
Me, so fleeting memories rush about
Tickling, pricking at my conscious mind
Triggering emotions and memories
Unexplained. Feel simultaneously
And again desires for adventure, deep
Sadness, contentment and satisfaction.
I don't know whether I should stand and sleep,
Or sit and write, or lay and pray; whether
I should rejoice or cry or just be. Choose
One, I long for another, but strength spent
I continue knowing all will pass as
Though a dream. Hope it leaves memories to
Be fond of, that the inexplicable
Moments inspire, ending not with increase
Of pride or loss in depression; but with
God, bringer of comfort, hope, peace, and strength.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I am periodically struck by
A particularly odd mood. In it
Is where I feel most like writing over
Any other time. I am not sure where
It originates from, but I'm convinced
My bouts with depression are quite often
Tied to it. Not that depression comes with
It, but that it lurks at the edge of me,
Seeking its chance. I've tried multiple times
To describe the feeling to those who care,
But the words which came previously - odd,
Detached, drained, apathetic - were always
Insufficient to encompass the rush
Of emotion, rise of inspiration,
And loss of energy. The last time I
Was in such a mood, I composed the first
Draft of the above, in an attempt to
Understand better my state. So here stands
A glimpse into the workings of my mind.

Loving God

2007-01-24T11:43:00.000-07:00

Is my love to God
As apparent as His love
Through blessings to me?

-------
Reference: Recall What God Remembers

Slow

2007-01-17T15:21:00.000-07:00

Stop a moment
Breathe in
Know
God lives
Is in control
Breathe out
Move
In Him
Trust His strength
As the noise returns
Threatens to consume that trust
Maintain focus on God
Breathe in, exhale
Remember peace
His

Hope in You

2007-01-12T11:50:00.000-07:00

I have been brought low
To despair of me, but hope
Is renewed in You

For in you is all
Strength and will and compassion
To live to please You

My life is not a
Matter of giving my all
Proving love in acts.

Rather, my utmost
To seek out all areas
To be filled with Yours

--

Lord, please help me to
Continue to desire full
Surrender to You,
Always seeking anything
Which still resists Your filling

Again

2006-12-27T23:19:00.000-07:00

Darkness surrounds now,
It crept into the corners,
The attic, basement.

Believed, was deceived
That it was under control,
But it overwhelmed

I embraced it when
It was all about. Then stood
Aghast; how could I?

Where Christ is, darkness
Cannot dwell. I avoided
Him for darkness' sake.

Again. How many
Times will I return to the
Embrace of darkness?

I can no longer
Forgive myself, and yet I
Know: again He will.

What manner of life
Is this? How can I watch it
Play out yet again?

Fire renewed, consumes
All, I surrender all; the
Former life thought dead

As I sing forth praise
Joy takes over the sadness;
Begin to grow lax

The fire fades, shadows
Dance, bits of old life return,
And I am entranced.

What can be done to
Ensure a better run? A
Life loved, He and I

All I know; what I
Do: rise again, find His path,
One step, another.

He is my refuge,
My strength; cry always for His
Mercy, love, and grace.

One step, watch after
His; another step, with Him;
And He, within me.

Purity Applied

2006-12-20T21:31:00.000-07:00

One thing to define
Purity, to speak rightly
Of Jesus' filling

Another to live
Purely in temptation's grasp,
Evil recognized

For evil comes not
As darkness with horns and fangs;
But as light, and sweet.

Pure life is tempted
In the face of evil, but
It turns from that face

To Jesus' face, for
Purity knows: only He
Can defeat evil.

Pride wishes to stand,
Argue temptation away,
Believes that is strength.

Strength is knowing that
Mine is insufficient. Turn,
Rely on God's grace.

Purity

2006-12-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

Purity is not
Strength, but a perseverance.
Perseverance through
Surrendering to Christ's strength,
His control; His purity.

It goes beyond change
In behavior, to invade,
Conform one to Christ.
Then evil is recognized
And resisted, not ignored.

--

The last verse is taken directly from Jaclyn's description of her blog.

I'd also like to point out the modesty survey at the Rebelution blog. They are currently taking questions from ladies to direct toward the guys later this month, centered around what is thought to be modest and what can cause us to stumble.

Toward Christ

2006-11-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

I focus on the
Effects, bettering my life
Blessings I receive

These are not the point
Rather, God's sacrifice to
Become man, then die

The sorrow, the pain
Borne for our many sins. That
Is the true message.

I should not point to
My life, but my life should point
To the cross, to Christ.

Through Him are blessings,
But in Him lies salvation
Focus all on Christ.

--

Inspired by Sunday's My Utmost For His Highest.

Baptized

2006-11-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

In that cold moment
Action added to word to
Create memory

In the dark, my will
Died, my old desires submerged
My first life was spent.

In His name, I died
In His name, I rose anew
For His will alone.

In this public act
Declare loss, proclaim turning
To life lived for Him.

Marvel at His grace;
Celebrate God's mercy; know
His goodness. Praise God!

----

I was baptized this past Sunday.

Glory

2006-11-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

Found in a sunset,
An army too small, teachers
Who can't speak. Glory.

Salvation for all found in
Your Son; Glory manifest.

Before Your glory
My pride hides; in Glory's face
My life is transformed

Let my gaze always be on
Jesus; faith, hope, trust in Him.

All hope of healing,
Found as glory overwhelms
Me; and transforms me.

Free for You

2006-11-08T21:01:00.000-07:00

I was blind, burdened unaware;
   Chained, my sin was to me.
You saw, cared; chains loosed, taken to
   Hang with You on that tree.

I leapt free rejoicing; until
   I saw that burden's cost.
Agony, pain; Your life drained free,
   To save me, one so lost.

Free; yet I find in me longing
   For that familiar weight.
Consume all of me, so over
   My will, Yours will hold sway.

Return, I hope

2006-11-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

Apologies are
Due, for lack of posts; to you,
Dear reader, and me.

To you: for silence.
To me: for regular thoughts
On growth ... require growth.

Excuses abound
But none suffice. Merely say,
I've returned, I hope.

Welcome Creation

2006-08-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

Beauty to behold
In all creation, but all
As nothing compared
To this one so small, blessing
Of creation, life anew.

-----------------------------

Ahhh, just got back from seeing my first niece, Keziah (Kih-zee-ə), who my sister gave birth to ~15 hours ago. If I can get a hold of a picture and permission to post it, I will; for now you'll just have to trust me, she's beautiful :).

Update per Jaclyn's plead (or threat?):
Keziah, less than a few hours old.

Thoughts by Verse: Grace and Peace

2006-08-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother, To the saints and faithful brothers in Christ at Colossae:
Grace to you and peace from God our Father. (Colossians 1:1-2, ESV)

I walk my life's path
Set by You; As I advance,
You grow before me.

With advance, I see
more clearly how much I lack,
How little I bring

You've chosen me for
life eternal; yet, all I
find to give is filth

The price is so high,
Oh, that I could contribute,
But, You have paid all.

As I grow in You,
I see that I am mere man
I have nought to give [1]

At the trailhead, I
Knew I needed Grace. But, to
Know how much I need.

I grow in Your Grace
As I grow in knowledge of
You. Make less of me. [2]

A life of pain and
Regret is not Your path. No;
"Grace to you, and Peace".

With Your Grace comes peace
Peace this world cannot offer.
With You in control

To know that I am
Loved by God, saved from just death,
My life has meaning.

Know God: He loves you
Know Grace: Life bought through Jesus
Know Peace: Life with God.

Grace to you, and Peace from God our Father.

----
References:
[1] Isaiah 6:5
[2] 2 Peter 3:18
[3] Vastness of God's Grace

Prayer for Contentment

2006-08-12T01:40:00.000-07:00

It was much to give,
All of me; with the promise:
Complete submission,
Gratitude wherever You
Placed me, with sworn diligence.

I'm learning to trust,
Faith that You know, understand
My limits, better
Than even I. I'm sorry
For faltering and doubting.

In search of meaning;
Failure to forge my own path
While ignoring Yours,
Direction lost; forgetting
Promises from me; and You.

Renew my heart, mind
To have eyes for You alone,
Not searching for what
Tomorrow may bring; instead,
Seeking what I can do now.

You have placed me here,
Set responsibility
Before me. Much to live for
To be done for Your glory.
Invest in what's been given.

Lord, help me to be
Content, to focus on now,
Not seeking more things
Only more of You. Grateful
For undeserved worth in You.

Continue to mold,
Temper me. I desire to
Grow closer to You.

Book Meme

2006-08-08T00:13:00.000-07:00

So apparently I was tagged by Galant.
Let's see, it feels like cheating to answer the Bible to most of these (1, 3, 4, 5, 8), but I reserve the right to use it if I can't think of anything :P.

---

1. One book that changed your life.
The Sacred Romance, Brent Curtis and John Eldredge

2. One book you've read more than once.
Enchantment, Orson Scott Card

3. One book you'd want on a desert island.
I had a lot of choices for the previous question, books I've literally read 100's of times, but I'm not sure I could pick one (besides that answer in reserve) that would truly keep me for all time (or at least the piece of time that would include me implied by the question). So there's always the "useful" answer (ie SAS survival handbook) or the "humorous" answer (War and Peace - lots of pages to help start those fires).
So Bible first, if I can add another to take along: My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers. If I had to choose something of fiction, The Otherland series by Tad Williams; great storyline, epic reading, and a good deal of wilderness survival tips mixed in ;).

4. One book that made you laugh.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

5. One book that made you cry.
Wild at Heart, John Eldredge

6. One book you wish had been written.
The autobiography of Job.

7. One book you wish had never been written.
Wizard's First Rule, Terry Goodkind.

8. One book you're currently reading.
Knowing God, J. I. Packer

9. One book you've been meaning to read.
The Gospel According to Grace, Chuck Smith

10. Now tag 5 people.
Hmm, Galant tagged Jaclyn and me, that would be the two people I'm positive watch this space and blog... I suppose there are a few lurkers out there.

Well I'll tag: Gem, Michelle, and Gina. Then 2 tags go into the ether for lurkers or wanderers to grab (you can even comment anonymously if you want to maintain the mystery ;)).

Sacrifice

2006-08-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

Lord, renew Your flame,
Consume me, to burn only
In worship of You.

I plead for help, for
Faith to entrust challenges
To You, I want to
Put away self; become a
Living sacrifice to You.

Reflections of You

2006-07-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

How easy it is to sing praises of You
To recognize You in creation;
Your beauty in a sunset,
Your Majesty in the heavens.
While nature cannot help but reflect You,
I have a choice:
Will I look to You with the rising sun,
Will the world see Your love in me today,
Will I treat others with mercy and patience?
Or will I turn to the cares of the world for direction,
Will my life, my desires, match the world's,
Or will the world see You in me
As I see You in creation?
Lord, help me choose You each day
To join in ceaseless worship of You!

Serving You

2006-06-08T23:02:00.000-07:00

Reading doesn't save me
Writing doesn't save me
Sharing doesn't save me
God saves me despite me

I desire to give
My life, yet parts of me grasp
Tightly to this world.
Help me to loosen that grip
To turn fully to You, Lord.

Lord help me desire to read of You
Lord help me write of Your works
Lord help me share Your Good News
Lord help me honor You with my life.

Buying High

2006-05-20T02:33:00.000-07:00

Lord, You saved me when
I was at my worst; I will
Praise You forever.

Search me, O God; show
What I have hidden. Let no
Vile thing dwell in me.

Let me not forget,
Reduce the meaning of: the
Price You paid for me.

Days of the Year

2006-05-17T17:01:00.000-07:00

"Jesus, my life is
Yours." How often has that been
Really lived this year?

Reference: CYS comic strip :D

Adonai

2006-05-09T13:50:00.000-07:00

Is the Lord, your God,
Sovereign in your life? Or
Lord in word alone?

reference: R. C. Sproul teaching on "Adonai"

Infinite Gift

2006-05-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

God is infinite.
Without Him is to come short,
With Him; completion.

======================

Listening to John Piper teach on his favorite subject, I needed to make note of what he was saying and did so with the first line here. Then, as I started to mark down the explanation I found this haiku. So this is merely a personal note on the need to expound on that first line: God is infinite.

Grace Abundant

2006-05-07T23:15:00.000-07:00

My mom found the following among my sister's English papers for this year. I share it with you with her permission that more than just family and her teacher could enjoy it.

=====================================

Grace Abundant

You never promised that I would not fall,
You only promised not to leave my side.
Undone am I, I have ignored your call.
I drive the nails deeper; my face I hide.

No longer wish I that your love and grace
Would fall upon me. I deserve it not
For you to even gaze upon my face;
But you need not my works; my heart you bought

I punish myself, I long for the pain
that I have caused to fall upon me now -
But you refuse to let me take the blame.
You catch me in your arms and with grace endow.

My father, help me remember I'm yours.
I'm bought with blood and your eternal scars.

Before You Go

2006-05-03T22:15:00.000-07:00

Before you leave here
Have you prepared yourself for
The Spirit's power?

Open to His lead
Or will the worries of this
World pull and drive you?

Meet the world knowing
You have been saved, that God is
Working in your life.

Trust Him to proclaim
His glory through you with His
Wisom and power.

I can not live on
Yesterday's food. I must seek
Daily nourishment.

Scary Prayers 2

2006-05-02T07:42:00.000-07:00

You love the servant,
Lord, teach me to be humble
I want to serve You.

Humility that
I might put away my shame,
Obey Your leading.

Humility that
I might ignore all my pride,
Submit to others.

All I have of You,
Whence comes pride? All I do to
Bring glory to You.

Scary Prayers 1

Destiny

2006-04-22T15:00:00.000-07:00

Of what did you dream
Before you knew your limits?
The world was open.

What did you aspire
When you met your gifts? 'Fore dreams
Stolen by safety.

All of Me

2006-04-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

I awoke.
Squinting as the world comes to focus,
Tools line the walls; the forge lights the room.
How I came to be here matters not
For I know why, why I sought this room;
I seek the means to craft a weapon
To defend myself, perhaps others.
The materials were gifts from birth,
But purpose - my use for them - unknown.
I craft a sword; crude, the weight awkward
As I hold it up. With time and use
It will meet my needs: fend off mockers.

I awoke.
Visits here are without count, purpose
Of each lost to time. Instead, recall
Significant events which brought me:
The first time I struck a friend as the
Weight overcame my strength, when I cut
Myself reaching too quickly to fight,
When I met multiple threats at once...
With time and pain it lightened, grew in
Sharpness, but still durable; I changed
With it, adept at fighting off all,
Friend and foe alike; I protect me.

I awoke!
The King of this world, creator of
This realm met with me! My life had been
Without purpose, direction, only
Seeking my glory, my power, my
Pleasure. With these things I grew further
From others. I doubted the truth of
Friendships, grew lonely, depressed. The life
Of wandering no longer suited
Me, but I knew no other. This King
Offers direction as Lord of me.
I promise to help: to fight for Him.

I'm weary.
I have purpose, friendships grow in our
Common knowledge of Him. Still bear my
Sword, still live a guarded life; now a
Dual life - with troubles, I ask my
Lord for help, then fight them off alone.
Has my life changed? I have general
Direction, but I live my life as
Before; I live by this sword, forged from
Gifts from my Creator, now my King.
I must return to His court, Renew
My vow to follow His will; His way.

I'm hopeful.
"Lord, my King, this is my sword, something
Of my making from your gifts to me.
I believed it served me well before
I called you Lord, but it was leading
down a path to death, Death without trust,
Death alone. You saved me from that path,
On your path this sword can not help me.
I offer it to you: all of me.
Never again will I rely on
My strength. Teach me to trust in you, your
Strength; to rely on your strength alone."

I'm alive!

-----

I thank you Lord for
This new life. Free of burden,
I offer my love.
All my life is yours to take
And fill with righteous desires.

====================================

This post has been a long time in coming; apologies for that. Critiques of the very different format are welcome and, as always, comments on the content are also welcome.

When the Tears Fall

2006-04-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

Usually when I hear a song or verse that speaks to me I pick out what did and then write about it. That's what lead to His Name... which has a fairly clear connection to Isaiah 9:6. Something my pastor said became the last verse of Rightful Place, everything else grew from that verse.
Last night, the last song we sang was one I had not heard before. It stood out to me in its entirety, fitting well with what I've been feeling of late. I don't have anything to add, so would rather just share the song with you. It is by Tim Hughes and I believe comes from his album When Silence Falls.
------------------------------------------------

When the Tears Fall

I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I call You Healer
When silence falls,
You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me, You sustain me
My defender for ever more

When hope is lost, I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I call You Healer
When silence falls,
You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You
I will Praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to You
I will praise You
Jesus praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to You

When hope is lost, I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I call You Healer
When silence falls,
You'll be the song within my heart

I will praise You
I will praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to you
I will praise You
Jesus I will praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to you

When the laughter fails to comfort
When my heart aches, Lord You'll be there
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend
Still I'll praise You
Jesus praise You

Cares and Trust

2006-03-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

Stable life, controlled
Life. Unstable? Learn to trust;
Control not of me.

These things are God's things
Mine to care for while on loan;
Worry, His burden.

Bad Days

2006-03-12T01:01:00.000-07:00

Leaky world darkens
My sunny days. Let me learn,
With praise, not complaint.
Lord, teach me to trust in You.
To know You will work this out.

Why do we call You ...?

2006-02-25T13:44:00.000-07:00

Lord, the Sovereign one.
My life is no longer mine,
You are my ruler.

God, The Creator.
Perfect, All-knowing, Righteous;
You deserve all praise.

Jesus, my best friend.
You are with me forever,
Sharing joy and pains.

--

Wish to call You Lord.
Renew in me a clean heart,
So I will seek you.
Fill me with righteous desire,
I want my life to bless You.

Your glory abounds,
The universe proclaims You.
All nature worships
With beauty You created.
How can I not offer praise!

Praise 2

2006-02-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

You're at work in me,
I see new changes daily!
Rejoice in Your works.

Praise 1

2006-02-08T23:34:00.000-07:00

I'm working on a larger post, but felt the need to write something today. Found this:
---------------------------------

You're my protection.
I feel Your strength around me,
Take comfort in You.

My Savior

2006-01-21T16:14:00.000-07:00

Under my own strength,
I am helpless to resist
In temptation's face.

The world responds with,
"Be an individual,
You can overcome."

I'm insufficient
To meet This Perfect Standard.
I can't withstand all.

Sin, always my choice.
God offers His perfect strength,
- But for me to choose.

This journey of life
Teaches me to trust in God,
Not to trust my strength.

To learn these lessons:
Teach me to turn to You first,
Not rely on self.

Let me not forget,
That while my will (strength) might grow.
I can rest on You.

Rightful Place

2006-01-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

Land of wealth, treasure,
Have distractions all about
Which to choose tonight?

All focus, free time
On this world's pleasures, delights.
Leave no time for Him.

Others have a place
Entertainment, fellowship
Has its importance.

But, God must be first.
His place; above all others
Set none before Him!

I choose to follow
Focusing on forever,
Day I see His face.

Answers

2006-01-04T20:47:00.000-07:00

Working on something else, but my worship leader said something tonight that, while I've heard it before, stood out this time:
------------------------------------

We pray with questions.
He answers with "Yes" or "No"
Always good reason.

Either way, heed God.
We do not know what we ask.
He answers in love.

But in other times
His answer feels so unclear,
For it's only, "Wait."

Your time is not now,
May not be as you expect,
But your time will come.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-24T23:26:00.000-07:00

On this day, Christmas;
Remember why Jesus came
Not in might, but love.

He came to give all
That we might be saved from sins.
There's nought we could do.

Remembrance of Him,
His gift; we give to others,
Share with those we love.

Enjoy this season,
Wish for a Merry Christmas,
With all your loved ones!

What is Patience?

2005-12-18T23:54:00.000-07:00

Extreme avoidance
of submitting to a wait.
- Clearly Impatience.

Silently waiting,
Even though, roiling within.
Is that real patience?

Avoid long wait tasks,
But calmly endure forced waits.
Do I know patience?

Patience, a virtue?
Should it be more than neutral?
Where is good in it?

Patience, part of love.
Want to love all my neighbors,
Relate in patience?

Learn patience alone!
Endure: long but needed tasks,
As well as forced waits.

Apply with others!
As we seek understanding,
or forgiveness, thanks.

Remember God waits,
If we are to love as He;
He's patient with us!

Christmas Meme

2005-12-17T13:03:00.000-07:00

Something a little different today, Jaclyn posted the following questions over here. My answers are as follows:
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Note for decoration questions, my answers refer to what I've done at my parent's house, I do not currently decorate my own.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Never had the chance to try Egg Nog, of course being severely allergic to eggs might have something to do with that. Regardless, I'm always up for some Hot Chocolate :).

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Never taught any of the specifics of how Santa 'works'.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? prefer colored lights to white, but both can be ok.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope.

5. When do you put your decorations up? After thanksgiving (that Sunday) usually.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? hmm, maybe the au gratin potatoes... I know this isn't really a holiday dish, per se, but I'm not a big fan of many of the 'traditional' dishes. Could also be whatever the soup is that one of my aunts sometimes makes...

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? I would have been done with this thing a few days ago if not for this question, but I can't separate the years out in my mind to tell which clues went with which years. Every year when my sister and I were kids my grandfather would gift us with a treasure hunt to find our gift(s) for that year. The most memorable years included: running all over his backyard with a ball of twine, eventually ending up with a giant X over where I needed to dig to get an electric race track set; or the year we received an SNES - where we have the memorable quote from my sister "Grandpa thank you so much for this game, ... but we don't have a super nintendo" (found a game first); the year we had found ourselves with a shovel in the arroyo (wash) across the street looking for an arranged pile of "sticks and stones"; or the year we found the container of saved spare change on the roof with the following hours spent with family at the kitchen table sorting it all. This tradition has now shifted on to the younger grandchildren and is a joy to watch still :).
The year we were in the arroyo may be my favorite, even though I can't remember the corresponding gift.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? My parents never taught Santa as real, instead telling the truth of him and his history from the beginning; much to the consternation of a few of my siblings' teachers :P.

(#9-10 don't seem to exist I guess?
found on the internet:
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? no, but we do open our Stockings on Christmas Eve, only the kids (which I sadly no longer qualify as :P) get actual wrapped presents, everyone gets stockings filled with stuff though.

10. What kind of cookies does Santa get set out for him? none...
)

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love playing in it.

12. Can you ice skate? Sort of... I don't fall (much), but I don't move very fast either :P.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? probably the wooden puzzle my grandfather gave me a few years ago. A thin box with holes in the front to see what was inside - a $50 bill behind a solid plastic sheet. I never figured out how to open it, the only puzzle he ever gave me that I didn't solve.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? The time to spend with family, the remembrance of Christ's birth.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Whatever the featured pie is :).

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Taking part in, helping with, or simply watching the hunt for the present my grandfather hid.

17. What tops your tree? An angel.

18. Which do you prefer Giving or Receiving? Receiving is always fun, Giving is better when I know I've found something unique that the recipient will really enjoy.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Carol? "O Come All Ye Faithful" is nice..

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? They're good, but like most hard candy, can only eat 1 or 2 in a short time period.

Scary Prayers 1

2005-12-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

Lord, teach me patience
That I may rest in Your will
And trust Your leading.

Patience

2005-12-07T23:39:00.000-07:00

Stress over life's path,
Wastes time to be spent with You.
Let me wait on You.

You have set my path,
Let me trust You to reveal;
Your will, in Your time.

Bind me to Your heart.
Meditate on You alone,
That I may not stray.

Wish for contentment
In this place You have placed me.
Work for Your honor.

Give due diligence:
Work, personal growth, study.
Glory to Your name.

Birthday Wishes

2005-12-02T12:49:00.000-07:00

I wish I'd grown more
Spent time more wisely; with Him
These past two decades.

Here's to the next two
Spent seeking and loving God
Hand-in-hand with Him.

Happy Birthday Trin
Is it ok to feel old
Mere twenty four years.

His name...

2005-11-29T23:18:00.000-07:00

I'm in awe of You
All that You have done for me,
- You are Wonderful.

Let me heed Your words,
You guide me along my path,
- Perfect Counselor.

Nothing is too big.
You have conquered all my sins,
- Great and Mighty God.

Set and keep me right,
I long to follow Your steps.
- Eternal Father.

Calm in troubled times,
Freedom from life's burden: sin.
- Loving Prince of Peace.

Relationships - Singleness Pt 2

2005-11-27T01:38:00.000-07:00

Live a single life,
Yet, love and care for others.
Shared joy; Greater joy.

Relationships - Singleness

2005-11-24T02:12:00.000-07:00

Solitary Life
Selfish pleasure for but one.
Life's true rewards lost.

Prayer for forgiveness

2005-11-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

Originally posted here, Nov 15th
------------------------------

I am sorry Lord,
I've been in my will again.
Long for Yours in life.

Live life for Your sake,
Show me how to walk with You
- Honor You only.

Prayer for help and strength

2005-11-22T15:46:00.000-07:00

Originally posted here, Nov 3rd
------------------------------

With all, seeking You
Let not distractions pull me,
But seek to know You

Praise, glory to You
Let my life be Your pleasure
Your will, not mine, done.

Relationships - Choice

2005-11-22T15:45:00.000-07:00

Originally posted here, Oct 24th
------------------------------

Care for how you act
All relationships matter
Even of strangers

Strangers come and go.
But, true friends stay dear and close
Choose these friends wisely.

Walking in Open Fields and Flowers

2005-11-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

This post is based entirely on a short story by Galant. His post came about the time I was addicted to writing haikus often. A bit different from the other things here, but since it was the beginning and I enjoyed it, I'm reposting it.
-------------------------------------------

Leave the beaten path
Let my feet guide at their will
Perfect summer stroll

Enjoying nature
A hidden lesson is sought:
True lasting beauty

Spied across the field
Beauty dancing in the wind
What is its secret?

A simple flower
Smiles with flowers, wind, and sun
Like others I've seen...

Insight dawns clearly:
It sees not nature about,
Dances all for HIM

- Trin

Introduction

2005-11-22T14:51:00.000-07:00

I just wanted a give a brief introduction here as to what this page is for me. First, my name is Tringard; not the name many know me as, but it is the name I use for myself in dream, journal, and online. The expected purpose of this page is to provide a place to collect my thoughts on whatever subject I am currently meditating on.

I was raised Christian, I remember making the concious choice for faith when young (5 years old), but somewhere in my teenage years my (spiritual) growth stagnated. I was no longer living to love God, but instead fulfilling my selfish desires. I put on a good show for those around me, but God knew, and I knew there was more and that I should care. In the last year I've been particularly convicted of this and finally in August made the concious decision to go to all lengths to make God first in my life. To be able to name Jesus as friend so that I might look forward to meeting Him face-to-face one day. To let Him live through me so that I walk in His will and not mine own.

Each week (roughly) there is a new subject I am considering. Often related to the changes appearing in my life, topics of growth, and any other miscellaneous thorns in my brain begging to be explored. After I start forming conclusions, I've been converting the thoughts into Haiku. Perhaps some day I'll try my hand at a new type of verse, but that is the preferred form currently. It is these verses that will be seen here.

I've spent the last few months posting these verses to my Slashdot journal, but have recently decided they needed a better, more personalized context to show up, hence this site. I'll be reposting some of the posts from there, and then posting only here in the future.

- Trin